anyresemblance

Rambling and a new car

It's not that I haven't wanted to blog, but my home internet connection is so flaky and slow that I just give up.  Located here on top of the cliff, and having a wireless connection, seems to mean that every puff of wind knocks the connection over.  Very frustrating.

What's been happening?  Got phoned about a job with a reasonably prestigous competitor.  But the job sounds dull beyond bearing and requires attention to detail and contract negotiation.  Nuh-uh.

Bought two dresses, two skirts, pair of sandals and a little singlet top at the Wayne Cooper warehouse sale for a bit more than $100 and felt great about it.  Bought a black skinny sweater by Kirrily Johnson for much more than that.  And a black handbag from Argentina.  As you do.  Even so, the woman in the shop told me that chocolate brown was the colour for this autumn but I was set on black.  I coveted a Trelise Cooper fully reversible leaf green velvet coat but having just bought a (much) cheaper blue velvet number last week thought that it was possible for a woman to own too many velvet coats.

I have read most of what was in my waiting to be read pile.  Found the latest Sarah Waters deeply depressing - the food, the clothes, the utter dreariness of it all.  Loved Joan Didion.  Loved James Lee Burke who writes the same story but with such lyricism.  Thought Magdalen Nabb odd.  Raced through Robert Elms and found some glaring error which I now can't recall.  Aaagh.

Oldest daughter has discovered Buffy and we have just watched season 1.  Have to say after all that endless Charmed watching I'm a bit over demon hunting but the pop culture references are fun so we may stick with it. 

We've started a weekly menu, which while depressingly organised, has netted me returns in terms of reduced stress from daily calls on "what's for dinner" or wondering what to buy on the way home.  Don't worry, it is sprinkled with "takeaway" or "mystery dinner" when inspiration fails me.  I note tomorrow is supposed to be minestrone soup when I have no ingredients in the house but I am sure I can improvise. 

I had a depressing conversation with soon to be new boss which has me less than confident about his capacity to inspire change.  Let's just say his leadership skills are yet to be illuminated.

Running that coffee shop is starting to look more attractive.

Ah, but off for 4 nights in Hawaii on Sunday - and let me tell you, it's quicker to fly there than Hong Kong (by 30 minutes).  I have secured a babysitter for the week and a large shopping list from older daughter for various items of clothing.

Oh, and I bought a new car.  It's a red.  Not too much of a mothership and not too much like the well to do ladies of the eastern suburbs.  I've never had a red car, I proclaimed to older daughter.  What about that old citroen DS convertible that there are baby photos of me in, she protested.  I forgot, the beautiful red car which did not enough boot space for the pushchair.  Ah, but she looked so sweet in the baby capsule.  Must scan photo to post.

Pale blue

I knew the big blue would pass.  Thank you all for your kind words, it really makes a difference.

My girls have gone to Canberra for the weekend. I dropped them at the airport early and I don't quite know what to do with myself so I decided to re-read Persuasion as solace for the wounded heart.  One likes to think that there are second chances.

Melbourne was better than expected.  I arrived with no coat.  My Somalian taxi driver looked dubious and advised me to go and buy an umbrella.  We also had a confusing conversation about why there was no King of England.  I am sure I did a very poor job of explaining the laws of succession.  I ended up buying a blue velvet coat in a second hand shop near the office.  Actually, it looks pretty stunning though I'm not sure of the next occasion for wearing it.

We had a dinner before the games opening and I sat close to  Daley Thompson who was a fine figure of a man.  The champagne was ok and I was glad of my coat in the stands. I thought the opening was charming without being spectacular - it could have had more music but the fireworks were fabulous and the inclusion of all the people down the Yarra worked really well.  My girls were very jealous of me seeing the Cat Empire but rolled their eyes at the Delta finale.  I had a great hotel room in the Grand (fabulous bed) but worked out it was about $80 and hour for all the time I got to stay in it (all hotels across Melbourne were at rack rate but I reckon it was still cheaper than the hotel I stayed in in Bangalore). 

In the middle of it all, I talked to A on the phone about her devastating loss.  I'm still trying to process it but it has shaken everyone it has touched.

The next morning I had an important client meeting which was the real reason I was there.  It went way better than expected so that lifted my mood. It was helped with two new working colleagues who both supported me in different ways. It makes such a difference to work with people you like and trust.

My ex had taken my youngest daughter to an open day at the high school she plans on attending (same as her sister).  She had a ball and was so happy to have her dad do something with her so all worked out well.  I didn't see him at all - came after I left, left before I arrived home - but we had a civil telephone conversation that was about the girls which was positive.

Last night my dad called.  My elderly aunt (well, his aunt by marriage) died on Sunday.  She was 87 and had been a poor state since a stroke six months ago, fed by tube since her throat muscles had been damaged by the stroke.  She is the last of his generation in the family so it is even more of a sad passing.  The funeral isn't until next week and I commented on the long period but he seemed to think that was quite normal. 

On brighter news, my friend PP called and we talked about her 40th birthday next year.  She's decided she wants to celebrate it at home in Cape Town so I immediately volunteered to attend.

A big blue

Things are very, very hard at the moment.  I have found myself close to tears at work on two occasions in the past two days.  I have had a major breakup with someone I had spent a lot of time with and am railing at the injustice but know I am also relieved.  I put a lot in but didn't get a good return.  But when my car broke down on Saturday afternoon and I had a boot full of groceries and it was a blazing 30 degrees and I had to pick my daughter up from basketball try outs I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself and think "I have no-one in this city that I can call".  And Hawaii looks in doubt since I have no-one to look after my children.  Sigh.  This too will pass but it is so fucking hard doing it alone.

Tomorrow I am off to melbourne for two days.  Kids' dad is coming to stay.  I am going to the opening of the Commonwealth Games.  I bloody hate corporate entertaining.  If you watch it on tv, I'll be the one scowling at being made to stay up past my bedtime.

aloha

Just when work is really crappy (well, the insufferable bitching and back-biting) something nice happens.  And for me, it was news yesterday that I am going on a 4 day "event" in Hawaii in early April.  in between the corporate ra-ra there will be time for fun and shopping.  I'm also looking to see if I can extend my trip for a few days to just unwind.

Lots of wild swings these past few days.  I had a screening mammogram today (family history, blah, blah) and got called back because there were some dark patches.  In the intervening hour while I waited for an ultrasound I had rehearsed the worst possibilities and realised that I was totally unprepared for the outcome of this screening.  As it turned out there was nothing of concern but I felt really drained and unable to go back to the office.  I had a quiet afternoon at home working on a report and feeling that I had touched the edges of mortality.

Walkabout

We had a day of girly adventures today.  We started by me laying down the law and offering monetary rewards for domestic help and a big cleaning blitz, then we went to Balmain and went to the market where I bought cat grass and two beautiful linen pillow slips for $15.  The chocolate shop, Belle Fleur, offered more enticement for them and they vowed to save their pocket money to buy their dad an Easter egg shaped like a grand piano.  I was attracted by the chocolate asparagus spears...  Then on to the city for Kinokinuya where we marvelled at the Japanese stationary and each bought something tiny and frivolous.  It's a great bookshop too and I bought the latest Alexander McCall Smith and a book of ee cummings poetry.  We ate a late lunch here.  We had an abortive attempt to buy first season Buffy and had to settle for season 5 Charmed.  Then grocery shopping where I bought beautiful figs and peaches and felt melancholy at the end of summer fruits.

Late this afternoon, I ironed and ironed and folded laundry and put things away.  I made nachos for dinner since we had eaten a late lunch and am watching television with a glass of pinot noir and thinking about autumn and making some changes.

I feel I am on the cusp of change again.  I felt really melancholy at work last week.  I had some unpleasant confrontations and wondered again about the direction of my work.  My ex-husband has resigned from our company after 7 years.  I moved to Sydney in large part to separate our orbits and it occured to me that his departure offers some other alternatives for me.

I liked this story.  But then I am so sentimental.

Reward yourself

I was very unmotivated today which may be occasioned by one too many glasses of wine last night with my badly behaved friend, K.  She turned up unexpectedly, regaled me with gossip and left with a skirt I no longer wear - she benefits from my frequent wardrobe decluttering.

I had a fun time but I felt very jaded today.  Work was bleh, person of no worth got rewarded unjustifiably in my opinion and so I skipped off early and got my hair cut and did some nice shopping here, including the purchase of an adorable little pink baby jacket and a Russian inspired velvet skirt.  Sometimes a fashion reward is all it takes to make the world right again.