anyresemblance

In which I model style and grace

I fell over walking up the office steps this morning.  To be precise, I got the toe of one shoe caught in the turn-up of my Katherine Hepburn style baggy pants and fell to my knees while trying to save my sandwich of sliced hardboiled egg on wholemeal toast.  Fortunately, I have not ripped my trousers but I have scraped another layer of skin off my knees.  Which looks awfully like carpet burn.  Which means I have to wear pants for the next month to stop the sniggers of the office buffoons.  Oh, it’s hard to be a groomed corporate executive when you are naturally clumsy.

In other news, it’s raining – again.  I got my car back all shiny and fixed and washed and smelling clean inside. I have a parcel from amazon to collect from the post office.  I got to sleep on clean white sheets last night with a friend of my choice and I thought how lovely it is to sleep soundly and wake up with someone you like a lot.  Mind you, my phone did go off loudly at about 1am with a text message from my pal, K, asking if she could stay on Saturday night on her way home from Europe to Brisbane.  I’m looking forward to that, since I haven’t seen her since this night and she is a fun companion to drink cocktails with.

Pink inc

Consider it a work in progress but with the arrival of spring here in the southern hemisphere I am in a pink mood hence the template changes.  The wisteria is out, hanging in lilac abundance off pergolas and verandahs.  Mind you there has been unrelenting drizzle all day.  But it's warm and blossoms are appearing.

Seven is my lucky number - I got tagged by deltadiva on this one:

7 things I want to do before I die:

1. Spend time with my children’s children
2. Find someone who loves me as much as I love them
3. Bake a cake that delights all who see and taste it
4. Visit Egypt
5. Take my children to Venice to see the Lions of St Mark
6. Write a book
7. Learn to whistle for a taxi

7 things I cannot do:

1. Be completely open with someone
2. Drink bad coffee
3. Live comfortably with clutter
4. Sit through another powerpoint presentation
5. Tolerate poor writing
6. Be cross with my children for more than an hour
7. Live without sex

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Confident manliness
2. Physical grace
3. Intelligence
4. Muscular arms
5. Good manners
6. Passion for something
7. Kindness to my children

7 things that I say most often:

1. I love you, to my daughters
2. You are such a handsome boy, to our cat
3. Bugger
4. Has anyone seen my keys?
5. Where is the remote control?
6. What is she wearing? about miscellaneous celebrities and tv personalities
7. Fuck bother

7 celebrity crushes:

1. Johnny Depp (Pirates version not creepy Willie Wonka)
2. James Gandolfini
3. George Pelecanos
4. Jennifer Lopez (I know, I know but I just love her speech intonation)
5. Kate Hudson (that smile)
6. Vince Colosimo
7. David Wenham

7 people I want to do this:

1. Ganching
2. Azura
3. Everflow
4. Small hands
5. Ampersand duck
6. Raising Chooks
7. Lushlife

Clutter, be gone

The week that was, was busy.  Two daughters finished school.  One daughter went on the plane to Canberra to be collected and driven to the farm to get in some early bonding with her four legged friend.  One daughter drove down with her father, recently arrived from LA.  Her father responded to a last minute request from me to get me a new pair of jeans from Gap (a store that does not operate in Australia, people).  To his credit he called me from Gap on Friday morning to check on the description and to tell me the pair I wanted were reduced to $20.  Better and better.  And get this, I have, with no effort on my part (sorry azura) gone down a clothes size.  Of course, i could  be suffering from some horrible wasting disease instead of which I now fit into all my old summer clothes and my jeans are too big.

Of coure, my intent was to scour my house with my children gone but instead of which my garage is filling up with stuff belonging to the man occupying my attention.  He has to move and I am storing some stuff.  Mind you, I am also storing his smart little black two seater soft top which I am permitted to drive while my car is at the panel beaters (yes, I managed to scrape the side of it again).  Jeff, at the panel beaters, is very laconic and soothing.  Don't worry, he says, at least you are all right.  Cars can be fixed. 

In pursuit of the quest described above, I also visited a beautiful apartment in Bondi.  I'm getting to like Bondi better since I have discovered the cheap children's dinners on offer in many places.  And got over my prejudice about English backpackers (I'm allowed to be rude about them since it is the place of my birth).  Thursday night my children and I had a cheap and nice dinner in a restaurant overlooking the beach and it was a lovely thing.

It's interesting to observe another's decision making process.  I am quick to make a decision and having done so don't spend a lot of time agonising over it.  If I make a mistake, I try to right it or bear the consequences.  My friend, on the other hand, spends a lot of time researching options and weighing pros and cons which I don't have the patience to do.    I have to school myself not to offer a conclusion and recognise that he needs to work through the process.  Much lip biting on my part.

My downstairs neighbour has recently moved in and occupies the garage next to me.  I had parked across my garage and he left me a slightly sniffy note about making it hard for him to get into his space.  He has just bought a flashy BMW Z4 and I can understand he is a bit precious about it.  I saw him the next day and said, so sorry, hadn't realised it would block you since i reverse up the driveway and assumed you did the same.  But occasionally a friend may park here, if it's a problem buzz me and we'll move the car.  On Wednesday evening, my friend did visit and left his car across my garage.  On Thursday morning there was a very peremptory note left.  And I had offered to feed his cat if he ever went away.  I do not propose to write a note in return but it was irksome since I had told him to call me if there was a problem.  Frankly, a grown man in a grown up car ought to be able to reverse his car up a driveway but there it is.  Sigh, it's hard to be neighbourly to people who seem determined to take offence. 

But I feel the need to order something in my life.  It won't be the garage just yet.

An antidote to the emmys

I feel the desire to update my template.  But not the energy.  So in a lacklustre attempt to show I am paying some attention, I have added some new favourites to my links.  First this is this person who has embarked on a big adventure and who has graciously given me some advice.  She was careful not to offer this unsolicited and I've thought about her words often over the past few weeks.  Then I discovered this via mrshardly.   Laugh out loud, clever, smart alecky.  I like it.  Then my friend deltadiva has kindly shared her blog with me.  So much to discover in the new reads and then you get to read their links too.  Oh, the internet is a thing of marvel.

Procession with gifts

Today was my daughter's first communion.  The church was packed with families.  I felt bad for her that there was no-one else beyond her sister and I to share in this special day for her.  But when the priest asked them to think about those people who were special to her she whispered to me "you're here with me".   Her father had called her from the airport and her godmother in Brisbane had sent a beautiful necklace and one for my other daughter - a blue enamelled heart and a card saying "when I saw this necklace I thought of your beautiful blue eyes".  She is so lovely and my older daughter does have startingly blue eyes (a gift from her father since mine are green).

Tonight younger daughter worked on the computer, printed something out and then put it in an envelope.  She messed around for a bit then directed me to a sign with an arrow which led to another and another till I opened the bureau.  Look in the drawer said another sign.  There was the letter addressed to "mummy".

Dear Mummy

This is to notify you that there is something very important that I need to tell you.  This very important thing I need to tell you is that I am almost out of hugs but not only hugs but kisses as well.  so I will be gone for an hour tomorrow to refill my heart.  But I will be able to give you a few hugs and a few kisses tonight.

Regards, Khusii (aka I**)

Khusii is the nickname her sister has given her.  In this role she is a flying polar bear.  Yeah, I can't remember what this is about but it is her cutest persona.

The weekend has been hectic.  Last netball game of the season.  Hockey final (they drew which means they are joint champion - don't ask me how that works).  Birthday party to attend at Doyles Watsons Bay for older daughter.   It was interesting to me to see how much into make-up and clothes the other girls seemed.  My daughter was in her jeans and t-shirt and sneakers but said to me later she would like some party clothes.  I am ok with her wanting party clothes but chatted about finding her own style.  I'm thinking she doesn't see me as a coach in this (even though I am passionate about fashion) and she is torn with wanting to be comfortable (which I applaud) with wanting to fit in more (which I completely identify with from my early teenage years).  Plus, she is not stick thin so needs to find stuff which makes her feel good about her body.  But she does have those blue eyes to keep her going.  I wouldn't be 12 to 15 again for anything.

In the evening, I had a sleepover visitor which was entirely pleasing.

Then today, the communion, lightening trip to Bondi Junction.  Another birthday party for older daughter which was ice-skating at Fox Studios for entire year 7.  Then she went to a friend's house in Woollahra to practice debating.   I picked her up at 6 feeling I had not a second to myself all weekend.  The friend lives in the kind of house I love with lots of books and paintings and mirrors and a big table everyone was sitting at.  A charming mother and well-mannered children who called me Mrs Anyresemblance.

My new favourite thing, #2

I have a new laptop.  It is super small and neat and light.  I found the man in the office who knows everything and knows how to get around the procurement system and he got me this one and set it up and it is so cute, if only it were pink.  And he is going to order me a new printer for home office use and a mega flat screen.  Gosh, I sound so geeky but I love this thing.

I went to the year 4 assembly at younger daughter's school this morning.  It was long but cute.  Younger daughter talked about god's creation of the environment and how important it was to look after it and I muttered to the mother next to me, "pity she doesn't feel like that about her bedroom".  "Ah, but that's the devil's creation" she reminded me.  Younger daughter got two certificates, one for Italian and one for "wonderful effort". 

Older daughter was in a massive misery about nasty Design and Technology teacher.  She hates this teacher but she is not the only one.  Phew, what a bossy boots.  Still, it's good to be reminded from an early age that there are many annoying and irritating people that you just have to put up with.

Only one more week to the school holidays which I have been organising.  As usual, they are going to the farm to ride and then to their dad's.  Except he is going to Melbourne for two days so rather than drag them back up to Sydney, I am going down to look after them for a couple of days and work in my old office and pass disparaging comment on what he has done to the former marital home.  I'm quite looking forward to that bit.

I forgot to say that the wedding I went to was fun.  I did have an escort in the end.  Who kindly gave up the motorcycling to accompany me.  I got very antsy about us running late but he reminded me that he had never, ever hurried me up.  Which is true.  And he did drive safely and got us there in one piece.  And allowed me to drink several glasses of champagne while he drove me home.  I did spend most of the evening hoiking up my dress so my magnificent cleavage was not too much on display.  I did have a very interesting and stimulating conversation with the husband of my former boss.  I admire her greatly, and her husband is a great person.  And my step-son and his girlfriend looked after the girls so all in all it was a cheap night out.

Reasons to be thankful

I met her in 1982 when were both in grad school.  She from her delta roots, me from urban western Scotland, both of us washed up in small town middle America.   She had wild hair, a wide and lush mouth, an old wrecked car and a passion for her art that I envied.   I was too scared to express my creativity, too nervous that someone might dismiss the thoughts and ideas I had.   But she just lived it.   And continued to live by those ideals.   I’ve not seen her many times over the years but I feel like it’s going to happen again soon.  We exchanged emails over the past few days.   She reminds me why I started this blog, what it means to me, and how not to let my own self-doubts cripple my need to express myself. 

Remembering

It's a grey morning.  Another date of significance.  Thinking about all those people dispossessed and abandoned in the wake of Katrina and the disorganised response to it.   I wept listening to a man on the radio - I sadly didn't catch his name - talking with great dignity and passion about help that didn't come for his elderly mother.

My sister wrote to me yesterday.  She talked about her eldest son who is suffering from severe depression.  She said how hard it was to talk to my father about it and how much more empathetic my mother would have been.  It's six years today since she died.  I'd like to be able to talk to her about how hard the choices are, about how I stumble and trip, about making mistakes, about being so scared of exposing a weakness that I hold everything inside, to ask her how she got through my father's infidelities and if she ever forgave him.   

Decolletage

I bought a new dress for the wedding.  Well, actually I bought two because I couldn't make my mind up and had a fashion parade for my sternest critics.  Of course, they can't agree but I think I am going for the black one since it starts at 5pm and it is looking like it might be raining and it seems more appropriate than the pink silky frippery.  I was talking to my friend whose wedding it is.  Make sure it shows plenty of cleavage, she advised, I want this wedding full of sexy women.  I appear to have followed her advice since both frocks have plunging necklines.  And I'm not skinny or twenty.   So I've had to invest in a new bra.  Plus the pedicure.  And the new shoes.  Bloody hell, if someone doesn't flirt with me I'm going to be so pissed off at this investment.  Note, the erstwhile boyfriend has declined the invite in favour of motorcycle racing.  This about sums up where that is all going.

Rubbed raw

I’m feeling very exposed. I’ve just got back from three days in the Hunter Valley with colleagues and clients. Some of the stuff was good but I felt I disclosed too much in a public session. The facilitator had asked about reflection and I talked a little bit about my journal and writing. I couldn’t even begin to explain my blog to this audience. Everyone else looked completely blank and I was reminded that most of the people I work with, good hearted though some of them may be, just have a completely different world views to me. They have nice houses, nice children, they go to school sports, they have dinner parties and they work hard. But they don’t think like me and they’re not self-reflective. So instead of feeling brave I felt stupid for talking about something that seems a natural thing for me. My work colleague who I do feel some empathy with counselled me not to be so vulnerable about it. She thought people were taken aback but impressed. I’d rather have remained anonymous.

The girls were happy to see me. They had a good time with their dad and it pleases me that he has had a chance to do some of the day to day parenting. My oldest daughter has made some compromises between what she wanted to do this weekend (go and ride her horse) and what she thinks she must do (play in a hockey semi-final). I am pleased she had made the choice but understand how hard it has been for her. Next term she is not doing school sport which will give her more flexibility. The school holidays are in two weeks so she will get lots of horse time then.

I got a call from an executive search firm yesterday. It’s not a job I am in the least interested in (would require a move back to Canberra) but it’s always good to suck up to these people and get your name heard. I’m going to a wedding on Sunday and I have nothing to wear. It requires frippery, strappy sandles and a good pedicure. You’ll understand why I’m “working at home” tomorrow.