Sanctuary

I'm at the beach, kicking back and thinking.  The house has been painted and I can't get over how bright everything looks.  I love this house.  At Christmas, I was ready to give it up.  My ex and his girlfriend had been here for Christmas and it no longer felt like mine but the painting seems to have exorcised that.  I'm getting this house out of the financial settlement so I've enjoyed myself by taking down all the pictures I never liked much and decluttering.  The down side of the makeover is that the bathrooms look very shabby - avocado green is such a giveaway - so I have to spend a bit on the bathrooms.  The weather is perfect, low twenties, sunny, cool evenings.   It's a chance to completely unwind.  I'm reading, drinking tea and eating.  I'm supposed to be sewing a costume for the gymkhana but there are limits.

I get my children back tomorrow.  It's been so long.  I just want to hold them close but I know we'll have to transition back into being together.  I talked to my sister about the constant squabbling.  Yes, it goes on till they're 18 and 21 she says.  I said, I don't remember us being like that but she reminded me that the dynamics of 5 children spread across 13 years are very different from 2 much closer in age.  It made me think about my own interventions into the dynamics of their relationship and how I need to step back from instructing and do more modelling of a different way of transacting.

I was talking to a friend about the relationship I and my siblings have with my father and it made me realise how we continue to act out many unresolved conversations with our mother in our dealings with him.  It's hard to be conscious of the many behaviours I exhibit let alone work out how to erase the negative ones.   give myself small points for effort.

My guilty secret, the Gilmore Girls.  I am watching season 1 on dvd.  I love it.

Comments

[David]

About the constant squabbling: wise words indeed, though I find it very hard not to intervene, knowing it might be better if I didn't, but not sure enough. Perhaps my greatest hope is that all three might grow up to be great friends. They're not at the moment...

[ab]

Hope your reunion was fun. I don't even know what the Gilmore Girls is.