Among the things that are ruinously expensive in New York, count hair dressers. The anxiety of choosing a hairdresser to tend to my flowing locks (and cover my grey roots) was extremely stressful. I found one Irish guy down in the East Village but before I could get to the next appointment he had left and, honestly, I was not up to the rushing out at lunchtime to get a hair cut so I consulted Yelp. I found a place within walking distance of the apartment and turned up on a Sunday morning for care and repair. He turned out to be a) Australian b) following a paleo diet ("have you heard of paleo?") and c) totally terrifying. He did do an amazing job of the colour but kept a stream of invective up against the apprentice (himself at least 45) and telling me his complicated back story. I was half appalled half amused but once the bill came (and the tip) I realised I would need to find a more budget option.
Sadly, I was so disorganized that last Saturday when I got the text telling me I had an appointment the following day and was worried I could not give 24 hours notice and that they had my credit card on file, I kept the appointment.
Scene 1: Woman walks into salon, sees her hairdresser who has regaled her at length about his wonder diet eating a piece of toast "that doesn't look very paleo" she teases. Hairdresser scowls "it's coconut bread. you have to eat for your blood type you know. I am A+ and wheat is like poison to me".
Scene 2: Hairdresser "how are you liking New York?" Woman: "struggling a bit, everyone seems on a mission and I miss laid back Australia". Hairdresser "yes, everyone is very bitchy in New York. Like, if you'd teased a New York hairdresser like that about their paleo diet, they'd be muttering you were a complete bitch under their breath".
Scene 3 Hairdresser to apprentice "Johnny, did you do your own colour?" Johnny "yes" Hairdresser "hmm, not bad but it's a bit orange"
Scene 4: Hairdresser "you need to follow me on Instagram and be liking my photos?" Woman: "I am" Hairdresser "I'd like to post a photo of your hair when we've finished but you're looking awfully plain - do you have any make up with you?" Woman "No" Hairdresser "Maybe we could just hide your face and show it from behind"
Scene 4: Hairdresser "Let's make you another appointment for 6 weeks from now" Cowardly woman "Of course". Woman leaves salon and immediately sets reminder to cancel.